There’s a monster in my belly.

I have noticed a huge increase in my appetite lately. I eat a large bowl of oatmeal every morning that is made with about 1.5 cups of dry quick cooking oats and a handful of freeze dried blueberries. I then add a little brown sugar before I eat it. I am fueled and ready for life for a few hours from this. Then every day at 12 pm I get hungry again.

No, not hungry. Ravenous!

I am ready to eat a horse at this point! Okay, not really. Obviously I don’t eat whole horses. But I am for sure ready for some potatoes, or rice, or bread. Just something.

I have started thinking about my hunger in a different way lately. It seems almost like it is alive, separate from the rest of me. I can feel it building up, then growling for food.

Does anyone remember that show on Nicelodeon Ahh, Real Monsters? My hunger looks a little like Krumm.


I think it’s green though. I know this is kind of weird, but I guess I am still surprised at how much I eat!

I have now lost over 60 lbs. That is such a big number. My older niece weighs 63 lbs. I have lost a seven year old!

I started looking at upper body training exercises recently. I am not seeing any change in my arms with the weight loss. I don’t know if they will ever look great, but I would like to lose some of the fat and gain some muscle. I want to feel strong. I also really want to do a push up. As my upper body loses mass I know this is becoming more of a possibility. But I need to build up strength now, not just wait for my body to weigh less. I am a little nervous about going to the gym since I am still so big. The last time I went in and used the cable weights there were some guys who were lifting who kept giving me funny looks. So much for the judgment free zone. I am proud of myself for going anyway, though. Now I just need to get back.

M has been working out of town for a bit so it’s just me and the critters. The dog needs a big walk at night so I don’t have that much time to do anything. I do think I could squeeze in a home workout here and there, though. I am sure that right now doing the workout without any extra weights will still be a challenge. That is where I’ll start. We prepaid for some lap swim sessions, too, and this weekend is supposed to be pretty nice so maybe a swim, some time in the gym, or a hike is how we will spend Sunday. Maybe we could even make a picnic. I’m sure my monster will be happy if I bring extra food with me. 🙂

What are your plans for this weekend? Does your body every seem to have a mind of its own? How do you like to workout? Answer in the comments!


50 lbs gone, now what?

Last week I shared my weight loss success of 50 lbs. I have lost a little more since then. I actually made it past the 300 lb. mark on the scale!

I have had 300 as my weight goal for so long that I honestly don’t know where to go next. I decided on 250 for now, since that’s another big chunk but not the full amount. I guess I’ll just keep stepping it down like that.

In activity land, we went swimming yesterday! It was my first time going to the lap swim at our local public pool. It was actually quite lovely. I don’t swim with my face in the water (no freestyle for me!) so I’m a little more sore today than I expected to be. But I successfully swam the full length of the pool 4 times which I think counts as 2 laps. It was 33 1/2 meters long so I actually did over 135 yards.

The swim for the Tri next summer is only 400 so I am thrilled to be able to go 1/4 of the way already. I still obviously have a lot of training to do, but I know I can do this!

Now to get myself back to the gym to work on the bike… 🙂

Buyers remorse

I am having serious second thoughts about the activity tracker I bought yesterday. I like how it looks, but this morning when I did dishes I was seriously concerned about it getting wet. It was nice to be able to go for a walk without my phone yet have all of my steps immediately synced to S Health as soon as I got home. But what about swimming?

I am also having some anxiety about going to the pool. Going somewhere new is always particularly stressful for me. Yesterday when I went to a different Weight Watchers meeting I could not find the store! I drove around the same parking lot for probably about 15 minutes before I saw that there were more stores on the back side of one side. I drove around, found the store, then had to go almost all the way out of that parking area just to find a parking spot! I was so flustered from that experience that after the meeting I went to Best Buy, got my tracker, and went home. I didn’t leave the house again until M got home and we took the dog together.

I have missed every single lap swim since I decided to do the triathlon. I know that a huge part is that I am self-conscious about going to a new pool and swimming badly in front of strangers. I am not at all a strong swimmer and the idea of going when others are there is flat out intimidating. Hopefully M will be up for going soon. The nice thing is that the pool has a lot of different times available so we just need to find a time that he is willing to go.

I am also a little nervous about biking. I am not a great bike rider, either. But going to the gym and strengthening my legs on the stationary bikes is a great way to start. The last (only) time I went for this I did a little more than 3 miles. I plan on getting back to the gym once this week for another session.

I also want to get over to a public track in the next city over to start working my way up to running. I have never in my life so far been able to run a whole mile in my life so that is my current running goal. Even if it takes 12 minutes or 14 minutes, I just want to be able to run the whole way without having to stop for a walk break.

I think for now, I am going to exchange my band for the other one I was eyeing. Then I won’t have an excuse to not go to the pool! Or least, I will have taken one excuse off the list. 🙂

Do you have any fitness goals you are working on now? Do you wait until January to start or are you already looking ahead?

Looking good?

I know this is a recurring theme with me, but M told me that I look smaller today. I understand that I have lost a significant amount of weight. I also understand that I am going to lose more weight. But what does looking smaller mean? I asked if I look good. He said yes. I said than say that! So he told me that smaller looks good. Good grief!

I want to be smaller. I want to lose the excess weight that I have carried for far too long. But I don’t think that that affects my beauty in any way. However beautiful I ever am I always am.

So what should we say to people who lose a large amount of weight? Maybe we can ask if they have lost any and how they are feeling. Maybe we can notice things like their improved energy level or self-confidence. Maybe we can simply realize that someone else’s weight is not really any of our business and leave their health concerns between them and their medical professional.

I just wish people would see me as a person instead of a fat person. I’m sure that will happen soon enough, but will I have to go out and meet all new people?

In other news, we went to the gym today. I had planned on going swimming at a local pool, but with the current storm and chill in the air (leave me alone about being in the 50s, okay? I know I’m a baby!) neither of us really wanted to go swimming. So we took the dog for a walk in a downpour then came home, changed and hit the gym. I did a little more than 3 miles on a stationary bike and almost a mile on a treadmill then thoroughly stretched. It felt great. I was very tired when I finished. And hungry!!!

When we got home I ate a burrito bowl: rice, “refried” beans, cucumber, shredded carrots, and lettuce. I put some sweet chili sauce on it and 20151201_203753.jpgchowed down! Delicious!!! If you have never had sweet chili sauce, I highly recommend it. We are about halfway through a large bottle I bought on Monday! And it tastes great on just about everything. Seriously, try it. AMAZING!!!

Tonight’s dinner is not quite figured out, but I have a head of cabbage, 3 leeks, and some mushrooms in the fridge. I started some rice and split peas soaking. Have you ever added split peas to your brown rice? The texture is fantastic! I did 2 cups rice with 1 cup of mixed green and yellow split peas. I’ll cook it in the rice cooker tonight and probably sauté the vegetables or maybe make a soup. In any case, I’m sure it will be a warm and tasty dinner. 🙂

How is December going for you? Are you ready for 2016? Any challenges in the coming weeks? How do you plan to deal with them?

A wonderful Sunday


45 lbs WW.jpg

This past weekend I received my 45 lbs award at Weight Watchers. It feels unreal to me that I have lost that much weight. I have never before lost this much weight at one time, doing anything! And I still don’t feel like I am on a diet.

As of my Sunday morning weigh in, I have lost a total of 46.2 lbs. I have regained a fairly normal menstrual cycle including symptoms of ovulation. I can measure my walks in miles now instead of blocks. For the most part my acne is clearing up. I still have a few breakouts throughout the month, but there are far fewer cysts to deal with. My complexion looks healthier. My skin has a natural glow now whereas before I had such a dull complexion. I have so much energy! I love to get up and take the dog for a walk, just because it feels good.

I still have issues with compliments. Yesterday and today friends told me how great I look. I still see the same body when I look in the mirror, so that is hard for me since I think I look the same. But it’s nice to get recognized. 🙂

My mother-in-law and I went for a walk on part of the SF Bay Trail. We started over where we could find parking and walked to the start of the bike bridge. It was over 3 miles each way! I was very tired when we got home, but still had enough energy for a Target run. Obviously!

While we were talking I thought about a book I recently started about a woman who did a triathlon in her 40s. She is very funny and I have been seriously thinking about doing one. I talked to a man in my meeting who does them regularly. He mentioned a series over the summer called “Tri for Fun” that is open to all levels and ages. Today I looked them up. And I’m in.

I’m going to do a triathlon next summer.

I have already found a place to practice swimming. I am not a strong swimmer. Let’s be honest here. I’m not a strong swimmer or bicycle rider and I don’t run! But I am going to train, and complete, the whole thing!

This is the gorgeous view I had on our way home last night. Love the Bay!SF Sunset 11-22-2015